One finger grip on Day7

For the last several days (week+!!) I have realized a few things. I end every day thinking tomorrow will be different. With these words, I'm referring to what I eat and how I feel when I'm thinking these words. The hard part is, I don't eat bad. I very rarely eat out, and when I do I try to make smart choices (unless I simply can't go on without a double cheese burger from Burger King). During the work week, I don't stray from my home prepared lunch. Every morning I have a raisin cinnamon english muffin; for lunch I eat fresh fruits, a veggie, and protein; and I snack healthy-- dry Cheerios, roasted almonds. I admit that when I'm at home, I have a tendency to overeat, or make unhealthy choices. I truly suck at portion control, and I can't resist finishing off Drummer Boy's animal cracker snack. In the evenings I feel bloated, exhausted, frustrated with myself and so it's easy to think tomorrow will be different.

See this picture? I hate it. I want to be these girls. I want their bodies, their strength-- hell I even want to be at that beach! I found this picture in a Women's Health magazine while killing some time before an appointment this morning. And now I can't stop thinking about this perfect image of beauty, strength, and health!

Yesterday I read this blog post: The Anatomy of Self-loathing  I really love the "When did this.. become hotter than this?' pictures. But what I don't understand, is how I can look at that picture and agree that the more curvy women are MUCH more attractive; yet, I can't be happy with my own body-- like I want to be one of those sickly skinny bitches. ?!

I don't know what I need to do differently tomorrow. I eat healthy-- I don't stray from my home prepared lunches and for the last week, I have managed to get out every day during lunch for nice hour long walk. Eating healthy and walking every day shouldn't leave me feeling so crappy (for lack of a better adjective) in the evenings. What gives? Is it psychological??

anyone seen my wagon?

I fell off of it several days ago and haven't seen it since. :(

Day 7, 2/3 complete.

So not 100% complete, but close. The main challenge is that Mr. Fix It doesn't get home until 5:30-6 pm. Comes through the door, ready to sit down and eat. So I spend my afternoon getting Drummer Boy's dinner cooked and fed to him; and dinner prepared for me and Mr. Fix It. So the question becomes, WHEN to Shred?? I don't want to Shred after dinner, but I can't find time before dinner without the help of Mr. Fix It..and who has the patience to entertain a toddler on an empty stomach? Yesterday I attempted to Shred while Drummer Boy ate his dinner. I got about half way through before Drummer Boy was done eating, crying, and trying to free himself of his high chair. Fail.

Not sure how to fix this. If the fitness facilities at my work were operational, this would be a no-brainer. Shred at lunch. But they won't be open until March so until then, I need a plan B.

Day 7, incomplete.

Sigh, yes, you read that right. INcomplete, as in, I didn't do Day 7. For no good reason either. I've been trying to convince myself all day that the reason I didn't Shred yesterday was because I had to leave work early to take Drummer Boy to the doctor and when I got home, I was too busy caring for a sick toddler to spend 20 mins caring for myself. Let me say, I remain unconvinced.

On a positive note, getting dressed this morning, I sensed a slight reduction in overall muffin-topness. Could it be that only after 6 days of Shred, I *sense* results??? I haven't stepped onto the scale or re-taken any measurements since Day 1 and I don't plan to right now. I don't want anything to challenge my 6th sense. It's enough motivation to get back on the horse tonight!

Day 5 and 6, complete.

Yes. I completed Day 5 and 6. It was a rough weekend with Drummer Boy so I wasn't able to post this accomplishment until now.

Friday's workout was good, but I was bored throughout the whole thing. Thing is, while it was still challenging, I was still winded, I was just having a hard time finding the will to complete it. I chalked it up to me having a case of the Friday's.

On Saturday I made the mistake of doing a Level 2 workout, since I was so bored during Friday's Shred and because I planned to 'rest' on Sunday and reap my rewards for accomplishing a whole week of shredding. Clearly I am not ready for Level 2. The exercises are very heavy on the knees and some of the moves I simply can not do without pain-- the kind of pain your body echos when it's warning you of injury. After the first 2 circuits, I quit, and stretched while Jillian Michaels and her posse completed the third set. On Sunday I rested and rewarded my week's worth of effort with waffles for breakfast, a bacon/swiss burger for lunch, and taco soup for dinner. All of which were homemade with all natural ingredients so I don't feel I over indulged too much.

I have to say though, I'm feeling a little discouraged. Like I'm teetering off the wagon. I'm not sure how I'm going to muster the motivation to do a Shred workout today.

Day 4 complete.

Yesterday I completed Day 4. It was a bit tricky because Mr. Fix It didn't get home from work until about 4:30-- so I had to wait for him to come home before I could do it. There is NO WAY to Shred with a Toddler. :) It was actually a glimpse into what next week holds in store. Mr. Fix It won't be getting home until about 5:30 so hopefully by then the kid will be fed, our dinner will be made, so I'll only be waiting on him to come home so I can get my workout in, then we can eat and get on with our evening routine.

Anyways, I was pretty bored with the workout yesterday. But I made it though and I think I actually completed more push ups than usual-- a sign of getting stronger already?? Even on day 4?? Maybe. I'm hardly sore today too. Originally I was thinking I would do 5 days on and 1 day off, but now I'm convinced I'll workout Monday through Saturday and take Sunday's off. And I'm even considering trying out workout Level 2 on Saturday since I'm taking Sunday off.

I didn't get a walk in yesterday but I'm hoping to get one in today. Dinner last night was kind of a mess as well. I was trying to rid our fridge of leftovers so we had a combo of leftover chicken/veggies/rice with a side of swedish meatballs. Neither very healthy and both high in calories so I'm positive I busted yesterday's caloric goal. I'm on track today though with the exception of lacking a plan for tonight's dinner. :/

Day 3, complete.

I'll be honest. When I came home today, the LAST thing I wanted to do was Shred. I'm very sore from the last few days-- my arms, chest, thighs, and stomach-- yeah, they all hurt. Not to mention it is FREEZING outside! Weather that only promotes coming home, slipping into sweats, and snuggling on the couch with the family. But the skinny girl inside me protested those thoughts: "it's only 20 mins! Just do it and THEN put the sweats on and snuggle!". I listened to her and I'm glad I did! I felt great after the workout today and again, I was surprised at how well I kept up (and how few rest breaks I took) considering how sore I am. When I consider the fact that it's only Day 3, it's easy to feel discouraged.. but I quickly remind myself to take one day at a time. I can do this.

I rewarded my workout today with a hot cup of apple cider. It has a magical way of satisfying those sweet tooth cravings that creep up after dinner.

Day 2, complete.

Yesterday, when I arrived home from work, I handed Drummer Boy to Mr. Fix It, changed into my Shred clothes and faced Day 2 of Mission Shred and all that is Jillian Michaels's 30 Day Shred regime. I have to say, for as sore as I was, I managed to keep up well with only a few extra modifications in the exercises. Once again, I was happy for those 20 mins to be over though. Oh, and I should mention that I'm using my lunch hour at work to get out and walk so I'm not stuck sitting behind a desk all day. I'm still pretty sore this morning, and the freezing temperatures don't make getting out of bed any easier.

During the work week, my breakfasts consist of a bottle of water and a cinnamon raisin english muffin. I always bring my lunch (and snacks) with me to work-- they vary, but this week I'm eating Aidells italian style chicken sausage with black beans. For snacks, I always have almonds (Emerald's Smokehouse Almonds are my favorite) and fruit-- yesterday I had a cut-up apple, and today I have fresh berries, strawberries and blueberries. Today I also brought a small Babybel cheese for the late afternoon when my cravings kick in. Last night after dinner I really wanted something sweet, and usually I would have a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch cereal. Instead, I opted for a hot cup of apple cider and I was satisfied. Hope I can keep the 'eat this, not that' initiative alive.

I've been using the Daily Plate app on Livestong.com. After putting in some data, and setting the goal of losing 1lb/week, the application calculated a daily caloric intake goal of 1414 calories. This is a pretty difficult goal, especially if your sugar and carb cravings are as bad as mine. Yesterday I was outside this goal by 28 calories even with my lunchtime walk; however, the application doesn't recognize 30 Day Shred so I'm hoping those awful awesome 20 mins burned enough calories to keep me within the 1414 goal.

Day 3, here we come!!

Day 1, complete.

Wow. Okay. That was harder than I thought it would be. And it sure didn't pass as quickly as I thought 20 mins would! I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was winded in the very first few minutes, during the warmup with the 'windmill' arm stretches. I had to stop a few more times during the 20 mins, but I tried really hard to follow JM's advice and not rest for more than 5 seconds. I fully expect to be sore tomorrow-- especially since it's 8pm and my legs and arms still feel a bit worked-- nearly 9 hours post Day 1 Shred. Thank goodness I was only using 2 lb weights! Looking forward to tomorrow though-- it's the first official day of the new year-- meaning everyone in the house is returning to work/school! Can't wait to get our routine back! Here's to a new normal!

**Update**
The first morning after Shred Day 1. Ouch. I'm sore.

A new normal.

I may have just had an epiphany. While I sat on the floor of Drummer Boy's room, willing him to surrender to slumber for an easy 45 minutes, I took the time to reflect on motherhood. I'd like to say that this year, 2012, I will make an effort to do more things for myself, and take more time for myself, but that's not what being a mother is about for me. And it's not an unfortunate thing. Truth is, I find a lot of joy in doing things for my family and for Drummer Boy, and when I'm not with him, I want to be; and that's when I realized, not even Mission Shred is for myself.

My mother is on medication for high blood pressure, and BOTH my parents take pills for high cholesterol. My father is borderline diabetic, and I know there are a slew of other pills they take for ailments beyond my knowledge. I don't want to be them. I want to be around for Drummer Boy for MANY more years and so it's imperative that I find a new normal.

I'm anticipating the hardest part of my new normal will be drastically reducing my sugar consumption. I want a cherry coke or moon pie to be my reward for reaching a goal; however, I expect those items (and similar items) to remain my vices in the beginning. What will really be great, is when I no longer have to transform my cravings into rewards and can instead reward my hard work and dedication with some new sparkly nail polish, make up, or anything from Etsy. Heck, maybe I can channel all that energy from craving bad-for-you food and find my own niche on Etsy. Whoa. I just blew my own mind.

So tomorrow is the big day. I have a 20 minute date with Jillian Michaels and Dr. Oz is whispering food mantras to my psyche.

Oh, and I took my measurements today as scheduled. Here's the gist:
Weight: toooo much
Waist: sticks out further than my boobs
Thighs: rub together
Hips: don't lie.
Arms: too bingo-wingy.